


ya'arburnee (you may burn me)

by thanatopis



Series: (missed) connections [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And His Years Long Crush On Elijah Kamski, Bisexuality, Character Study of Gavin Reed Really, Denial of Feelings, Gavin & Connor Go To Kamski's House, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanatopis/pseuds/thanatopis
Summary: What’re you gonna do to get it back, fag?Gavin had asked, his grin smarmy and arrogant. His mother had just bought him the newest kicks, and he felt invincible with them on his feet. Kamski reacted to none of it, which made Gavin feel a bit uneasy. Never had Gavin taken the time to truly look at Kamski before, and it unnerved him, those cool blue eyes of his that seemed to stare right through him, seeing something only he could see.





	ya'arburnee (you may burn me)

**Author's Note:**

> uhh, i somehow started shipping this as a joke, and then it became...serious??? i'm suffering because everyone wants to write them as being related and i'm that person in the background screaming, 'can they fuck tho??'
> 
> anyways, any grammatical errors are mine and if ya wanna give me a head's up that'd be great.

**2018**

It was that all too familiar name spoken over the stereo of his parent’s television that caught Gavin’s attention.

In the den, seated at a circular table, Gavin was doing his homework for once. History was a bore, but it was simple, meaning Gavin could look up most of the answers on Google and bullshit his way through the class. Mr. Montgomery had stopped caring about his job ages ago, and if his teacher didn’t care, why should Gavin try and put in his all? However, chemistry…

Well, chemistry could go suck a fat dick. That’s what Gavin thought.

Ever since midterms grades had come back—in addition to Gavin’s dad threatening to kick his ass if he had to repeat sophomore chem—Gavin had _made_ the time to study. Even now, the urge to say _fuck it_ and lock himself in his room to play either Overwatch or Fortnite was overwhelming. Gavin knew he was a lot of things, but a quitter he’d never be. He could do anything if he just applied himself, well, according to his mother.

“More at five,” he heard the male news reporter say in the other room, “a look into sixteen-year old teen genius Elijah Kamski, a recent graduate of the University of Colbridge and founder of the up and coming artificial intelligence company, CyberLife, who’s headquarters will be located right here Detroit.”

The movements of Gavin’s pencil paused, and his mouth parted on a breath. He thought over the possibility of it being the same Elijah Kamski from middle school; the one who’s hair had always been too long—like a girl’s—and who had found refuge behind round, wirerimmed reading glasses. The quiet, weird kid who had always finished tests well before everyone else in class and would read to pass the time. Too smart for his own good. An easy target if there ever was one.

Gavin wondered if it was the same kid he had teased, having once plucked one of Kamski’s many books out of his hands and dangling it just out of reach. Gavin had hit his growth spurt early on in life and had used his height to his advantage.

 _What’re you gonna do to get it back, fag?_ Gavin had asked, his grin smarmy and arrogant. His mother had just bought him the newest kicks, and he felt invincible with them on his feet. Kamski reacted to none of it, which made Gavin feel a bit uneasy. Never had Gavin taken the time to truly _look_ at Kamski before, and it unnerved him, those cool blue eyes of his that seemed to stare right through him, seeing something only he could see.

 _Keep it,_ Kamski had said as he began to walk away. His off-white sneakers were old and ratty, squeaking against the dirty linoleum. _Read it. You might learn something._

Gavin still had that book. The very one. It was creased in several places along the spine, visually showing how many times Kamski had read through it, or perhaps just revisited his favorite parts. Gavin suspected the former. Passages were underlined, certain words or phrases highlighted in pink marker.

 _A Man’s Search for Meaning_ by Viktor E. Frankl was the book. Gavin had tried several times to sit down and read it, but then would become upset as to why he even wanted to. The book was hidden away in a drawer now, cluttered with various miscellaneous knickknacks he’d collected over the years; out of sight out of mind, Gavin supposed, but it still didn’t answer the question as to why he’d kept the book in the first place.

With a frustrated huff, Gavin went back to working on his chemistry homework, wondering when the thought of Elijah Kamski would finally leave him be.

 

 

**Somewhere In the Middle**

Gavin graduated high school with decent grades; his parents, grandparents, and older brother cheered for him as he was handed his make-shift diploma, the weight of it final in his hand. His summer was spent driving down to Florida with a few close buds he would eventually lose contact with come fall.

No hard feelings, Gavin had thought.

College was where Gavin spent some of the best years of his life. He met good people, attended ragers that lasted until dawn, and had sex with as many girls as he possibly could—except for when he found himself in two serious relationships over the course of a four-year period.

Gavin had thought he would marry the first girl. Rebecca was her name; she was sexy, blonde, and funny as all get-out. She made him laugh like nobody else could and he fell in love with her for it. Gavin had even brought her back home one summer to meet his parents, and they’d loved her just as much as he did. It all ended rather abruptly when Gavin found her in the arms of another man—a _friend_ he had thought—balls deep in his girl who seemed to be loving it. He’d been too shocked to get angry—that would come later—but instead left like his feet couldn’t carry him fast enough. Rebecca had chased Gavin out onto the front lawn, barely dressed, and told him that she didn’t love him anymore, and that she was _sorry_ he had to find out the way he did.

Gavin laughed—he laughed so hard he began to cry. A friend had to drive him home.

The second girl was nice—so _fucking_ nice—but Gavin couldn’t love her, no matter how easy it should’ve been. Her name was Nadiya; she was gorgeous, thoughtful, and way out of Gavin’s league. They’d been the type of couple who’d go out on walks and get late night pizza while talking about their hopes and dreams. She was utterly brilliant, studying to become a doctor, and Gavin admired her so much. He would worship her in bed, making her come over and over until she couldn’t stand it, and only then would he think of his own pleasure. She deserved that kind of lover, Gavin believed wholeheartedly.

Gavin tried to love her, he really did, but he could feel his thoughts straying, along with his eyes.

It was a surprise, the moment when the object of Gavin’s desire turned out to be a man.

Devon was soft spoken and incredibly clever, with lips Gavin wanted pressed against his own. He worked part-time at the campus library and with finals, Gavin saw a lot of him. Sometimes, Gavin would visit the library just to speak with Devon. It became an addiction almost, the feeling of those dark eyes on him, electric and so aware, making him feel alive.

 _I know about you_ , his stare seemed to say, and Gavin was relieved that he didn’t have to speak his truth out loud.

In a restless fit, Gavin went to see Devon. It was late, the library an hour from closing, and Gavin arrived panting, out of breath. He stalked up to Devon, grabbed his hand and yanked him back into the stacks where they could be alone, and kissed him. _Fucking finally_ , some instinct riddled part of Gavin’s brain shouted in delight. The kiss was attentive until it wasn’t. It was the difference between being with a man rather than a woman. There was a sense that Gavin didn’t have to hold back. The kiss was raw and full of animalistic want; hands groped and squeezed, hips slotted against each other like a puzzle, rutting wildly. It didn’t take much for Gavin to come in his pants, wheezing into Devon’s neck, face hot.

The euphoria didn’t last long, especially when Gavin realized what he had done. He stewed in his own guilt for a week, gathering the courage to break Nadiya’s heart.

Gavin broke up with Nadiya in a Starbucks. _It’s not you, it’s me_ , he hadn’t said verbatim, but the meaning was all the same. A caramel Frappuccino was thrown in his face and he rightly deserved the unpleasant sticky feeling that seeped through his clothes. Nadiya didn’t need to say anything; the tears building in her eyes as she walked away was enough.

Come spring, Gavin graduated college. With it, the knowledge of how to please and have sex with a man. By this time, Gavin had made up his mind about joining the Detroit Police Department. His mother was worried. His father thought it was a good match. His brother, who had gotten the hell out of dodge a long time ago, thought he was insane.

Perhaps, Gavin thought.

Simultaneously, Gavin had witnessed Elijah Kamski’s _CyberLife_ grow and transform Detroit into something he’d only heard about through word of mouth from his parents and their parents before them—the glory days of the automotive industry and how Detroit had once thrived.

He’d been avoiding any types of press about Kamski, good or bad. The book was now sitting sideways on a shelve in Gavin’s living room, yellowing around the edges because of how many times Gavin had handled it in recent years. Even now, it was an item that Gavin looked upon with trepidation, but even so, he still couldn’t rid himself of it.

Beer in hand, Gavin’s curiosity won one evening when he was flipping through channels and Kamski’s face happened to be plastered on his screen. It hadn’t been the first time, but it was the first time Gavin tuned in. It was inevitable. Gavin reclined back onto his couch and watched, accepting his weakness.

It was an obvious realization, seeing as years had passed, but he wasn’t the same kid Gavin had once known. Kamski looked…healthy, like he’d finally started putting weight on his bones. As a kid, he had been a bit on the skinny side. That wasn’t much the case anymore. He was broad shouldered and had a wide chest, at least, from what you could see in those scrabbly clothes. The long hair hadn’t changed. He wore it back in a messy bun as he discussed the intricate inner workings of CyberLife and the future of human evolution. His eyes were bright and engaging, so unlike the ones that haunted Gavin’s memories.

God, he was…

Some time during, Gavin realized he’d been holding his breath.

 

 

**2038**

The world was fucking strange.

If someone had told Gavin at the age of fifteen that androids would be declaring their independence from the humans that had created them, Gavin would’ve told them to stop leaving _Terminator_ on while they slept.

Yet, here he was, watching Anderson’s android play pretend detective. The plastic piece of shit.

On some level everyone was worried about having their job become obsolete. Gavin had become increasingly aware of humanity’s short-comings, in addition with his own, when it came to effectiveness and accuracy. Androids had them beat, there was no doubt, but there was a _difference_ —an aspect of human nature that made them unique. That had to count for something in the long run, didn’t it?

For Gavin’s own peace of mind, he hoped so.

“Detective Reed,” said a calm, analytic voice that grated on Gavin’s last nerve, “if I may have a moment of your time?”

Gavin slowly turned in his chair, simply too tired from the previous night’s stake-out to tell the android to fuck off. He huffed out a breath that was the twink bot’s permission to continue. _This outta be good_ , Gavin thought. He hadn’t been exactly warm and fuzzy when it came to his feelings on the matter of androids. The bucket of bolts must’ve been in truly dire straits if Gavin was the only one he could turn to.

“I know you’re not,” he paused, his too perfect face scrunching up while his LED flashed a brief, muted yellow, “ _fond_ of me—” Gavin snorted loudly, “—however, I was hoping to put these differences aside when it comes to the deviant cases. You see, Lieutenant Anderson has been called away on a different matter of importance and will not be able—”

“What do you want?” Gavin interrupted, his patience for the android’s rambling explanation was running thin. “Spit it out, Skynet. I haven’t got all day.”

The bot’s brows furrowed, mouth pinching in displeasure. Gavin narrowed his eyes.

God, Gavin hated how normal they looked from a distance, but when you where face to face with one, it was obvious just how different they were from humans. Gavin imagined never feeling tired, being able to work non-stop for days on end, and how many cases they could solve and people they could save if human limitations didn’t exist. The bags under Gavin’s eyes attested to such constraint. It wasn’t just time stacked against him anymore.

“I was just getting to the point before you—” Connor shook his head. “I was hoping you would be able to attend my next assignment with me, as I cannot operate on such matters unsupervised. It is against regulation.”

Gavin’s brow arched.

“Why in the hell would you ask _me_?”

Connor looked around the empty precinct.

“Fine,” Gavin murmured, rolling his eyes. There wasn’t anything else he could do. “Whatever. Let’s get this over with.”

 

 

It was a mistake. A huge mistake.

Gavin hadn’t bothered to ask the android where they were going until they left the metropolitan area, heading upstate where the snow was the thickest and the hills were rolling. Now, Gavin was considering turning the fuck back around and making the android wait until Anderson was done doing whatever the fuck that pushed this Pinocchio wannabe in his field of responsibility.

Goddamn it.

“If anyone has an idea about why androids turn deviant, Elijah Kamski is sure to know.” Connor said from the passenger’s seat.

God-fucking-damn it.

 

 

There was something surreal about being invited into Elijah Kamski’s home by the exact android who’d passed that one test—what was it—the Tuning test? Turing? Whatever the hell the name of it was, the media hadn’t stopped talking about it for weeks.

Seeing her up close, the android looked a bit like Rebecca that Gavin had to do a double take. Twink bot had noticed, mouth parting to say something that was probably dumb, but Gavin’s glare cut him short. He didn’t sit. The huge floor-to-ceiling portrait of Kamski unsettled Gavin. It was those eyes—always those fucking eyes—boring into him that made Gavin feel exposed, like he could hide nothing.

His heart jumped when the blonde android came back, announcing that Elijah was ready to see them.

Gavin almost considered remaining where he was, in the waiting room, to avoid this disastrous confrontation all together. His brain rationalized that Kamski couldn’t possibly remember him—not Gavin Reed the thirteen-year-old who’d occasionally picked on him—and if he did, would he hold a grudge?

This is so fucking stupid, Gavin thought. He was a grown ass man—thirty-six to be precise—and a police detective to boot. He’d handled situations far more sinister than the one presented before him, yet here he was, acting like a cadet all over again.

The wide room was drab except for a little burst of color, such as the blood red swimming pool Kamski was doing laps in. Gavin couldn’t help but watch him; the ease of his free-stroke, how his body cut through the water with practiced precision. He swam one more lap and then exited the pool. The android was by his side in an instant, clothing her creator in a fine robe. Kamski didn’t acknowledge them right away, which pissed Gavin off because he didn’t have all damn day to babysit Anderson’s android, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be here.

“Detectives,” Kamski greeted, pleasant enough, turning on his heel and folding his hands together, “what can I do for you today?”

Kamski took an uncomfortably long amount of time staring at the pair of them individually. Gavin stared back, undaunted, even though it physically pained him with each moment that passed. Gavin stayed quiet as the android asked his questions. It was shit Gavin could’ve cared less about, and he allowed for his mind to wonder, his eyes trailing around the room, searching for nothing yet everything. He foolishly thought if he managed to be quiet enough, that maybe he’d blend into the background and be forgotten.

He was slapped back into the moment when Kamski produced a gun, his smile docile as he handed the weapon to Connor. In the end, the Kamski test proved positive…which could’ve been considered a failure if you counted the fact that they were just machines. Gavin truly didn’t know how he felt about Anderson’s android being able to feel sympathy, but for once, kept his mouth shut.

That didn’t stop Kamski from turning his cool gaze onto Gavin who involuntarily froze, his mouth parting, tongue like lead. It was unexpected when Kamski smirked, slow and close-lipped, all-knowing.

“So,” Kamski began, pivoting his entire body towards Gavin, "did you learn anything Detective Reed?”

Denial was an emotion that Gavin was intimately familiar with, but even he could not deny the intentional use of phrase Kamski had spoken. He felt his face heat and his features pinched in a leer as he bared his teeth.

“Fuck you.”

Snagging the sleeve of Anderson’s android, Gavin left the Kamski residence with Connor in tow. What a stupid idea this was, Gavin cursed at himself. Anderson owed him—big time.

It was simply unfortunate that this instance wouldn’t be the last time Gavin crossed paths with Elijah Kamski.


End file.
